textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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