i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
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The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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