saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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