So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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