When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
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