It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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