either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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