god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
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He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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