Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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