My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
So. Much. Porn.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize