as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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