Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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