i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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