Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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