Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
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it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
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Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
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