I'm lost and stupid without you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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