went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
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but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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