either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
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Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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