Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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