Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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