remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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