So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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