the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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