So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
