I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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