Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
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You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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