Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize