i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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