my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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