My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize