If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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