T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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