yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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