Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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