some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
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i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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