Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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