I must be too annoying 4 u.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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