No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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