she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize