Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize