im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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