My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize