I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize