It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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