You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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