oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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