woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
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Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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