I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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