Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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