Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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