I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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