Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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