Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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